How do we get so focused on our circumstances that we forget about the big picture?
You see, I've found myself at a crossroads. I have seen God move so many times in the past several months, and in magnificent ways too. I have watched as He changed the hearts and lives of people right in front of me. I have witnessed His love and power firsthand. Yet, as soon as something goes wrong in my life, I somehow forget. I find myself saying "God please, I need your help now" or "God, how come you're not doing or saying anything to me. Why are you waiting?"
The picture above is Lucas and me(on the right) talking to a guy named Peter(on the left). This was on a street corner in Belfast. We ran after Peter as we saw him walk by, because we wanted to tell him about Jesus. Long story short, Peter ended up sharing with us that he had tried to commit suicide 3 times in the past few weeks, and that he had broken up with his girlfriend and was sleeping around to try to find happiness. He said that he wasn't even supposed to be on that street corner, but he had accidentally gotten off at the wrong bus stop. Why did He share these things with us? Because we told him the truth. We told him what he had been waiting so long to hear. We told Peter that God kept him alive because He loved and wanted him...because He wanted a relationship with him...because He wanted to fill that emptiness inside. Needless to say, that day, right there in the middle of the street, Peter gave his life to Jesus and was forever changed.
So why did I share that story and how does it fit in to what I'm trying to say? Most people don't open up and share their life stories with just anyone. But let me tell you, God put it on our hearts to go talk to Peter. God helped him to "accidentally" get off at the wrong bus stop. And God moved in Peter's heart to allow him to open up to us. Why did Peter do that? Because God's love is powerful and when people feel His love, they can't help but respond to it. I shared this story, because it is something I witnessed with my own eyes. I saw God move right in front of me, and I know He is so good!
Ha! So here is my dilemma: There are a lot of unanswered questions that I have in my life, but seeing as how God has already proved to me that He is good, do I keep pressing for Him to answer me now, or do I wait and trust that He will reveal everything in due time? The answer seems simple enough, but trust me, when things are constantly on your mind, it is a whole lot harder. Trusting God isn't easy. It means that we aren't in control of our lives, and that is a scary thing! But if God is good AND powerful, then how much better is His plan and His timing than our plan and our timing? I think we could all take a step back from our lives and look at the big picture, because when I do that, somehow, my life seems so much easier.
"For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us." Romans 8:18
It's very easy to look towards the future, but don't lose sight of what you already have. I almost did. If you have a family, be thankful for them and love them. If you have friends, be thankful for them and love them. If you have a church family, be thankful for them and love them. Remember to live in the moment. Don't leave these people in the past when you haven't even moved on yet.
Yesterday I found out this lesson for myself. I sacrificed quality time with my sister, because I wanted to do something else. I was looking at the future and what could be, and I forgot about the moment I was in. Somehow, I knew when it was happening that I was giving something up, that I was going to miss out on something. She is here. She is my life at the moment. I want to take hold and make the best of every moment I have with her before I return to Boston.
Have you ever had one of those moments where God pulled apart the surface of your heart and showed you what was deep inside? It is the most glorious and terrifying feeling. It is in that moment when you see yourself beyond the mirror image...and it is not always pretty. Who really wants to see what lies there? I would have said "not me" ...but then... I've realized something. If I ever want to change, if I ever want to become more like Jesus, if I ever want to be truly kind at heart and loving of others, then...I must look deeper. Because I have to. Because it is the only way.
I'm not really sure how this all fits together, but I guess it took Him opening me up for me to realize what I had. Who knows where I will go next or how long I will be gone, but I don't ever want to look back and say "I wish I had another chance." So don't let a moment slip by. Look for what you already have, and be thankful for that. Live in the moment. Carpe diem...seize the day!
Okay...I want people to know what is going on in my life and why I am going back to Boston, so I will attempt to explain where I feel God is taking me.
Life the past several months has been crazy. It has been amazing...but crazy. My story, however, starts even before I left for my Discipleship Training School(DTS) with Youth With A Mission(YWAM) Boston 7 months ago. You see...Jesus has always had a hold on my life. Ever since I was younger, I have wanted to listen to Him and do what He said. My heart wanted to please God, because I knew that He was good. I knew that no matter what happened, He was the one who would take care of me. I knew that I would be safe in His hands and that He would love me even more than anyone I knew ever could. I knew this, because He showed me time and again, and because I had seen Him do it with other people. So growing up, my heart ached to be with and follow this God.
It was in the few years before I left for Boston that God really started working in my heart. He always was working, but it was in this time that I wholeheartedly allowed Him to do whatever He wanted with me. There is a scripture that says something like..today, if you hear His voice, do not turn away. This scripture stuck with me and played a big part in all of my decisions. Whenever I would feel a tug on my heart to go be alone with God, I would remember this and I would pull myself away and just go sit with God. It was in those moments that He began to speak to me. I had a deeper longing and an intense hunger to be with Him always, and I wanted the things in my life to be right so that He could be with me. I didn't want to have junk in my heart that kept me from being with God, so I prayed time and again for Him to change me, and I did all that I could to stay open to that change.
As it turned out, God started to show me things about Himself and what He was doing. He not only spoke to me, but He brought other people into my life that I could learn from and that encouraged me along the way. Just as a young child loves to watch their mother or father work, so am I. I have longed to see what God is doing in this earth and where He is taking us.
The year before I even knew about the DTS, I did a lot of praying and fasting. I wanted God's heart to be my heart, and I wanted to care about the things He cared about. I realized that all of this time He was preparing me and opening my heart to new things. And this is when He threw YWAM Boston into my life and told me to go on the DTS. Needless to say...I did :) And like I said before, it was amazing...but I will talk about that experience another time.
Now that I have returned from Boston and even before I left, I have been praying about where God wants to take me next. I still want to know where He is moving and what He is doing. Well, God spoke to me and told me to return to YWAM Boston to work as a full-time missionary. Do I love the work that YWAM Boston does? Absolutely. I love telling people about Jesus and helping people to really get their lives right with God. I love watching people's hearts change right in front of me. I love the community that is there, and I love the city of Boston. But even more than all of that, I love what God is doing. I am excited to work with YWAM, but I am more excited to see what God does while I am up there. I believe He has called me there for a reason that goes beyond YWAM. I believe God is doing something in this earth, and I want to be a part of it.
Now I know that this does not make sense. I am 21 and I have not finished college yet, and this does not make sense to a lot of people. Sometimes it doesn't even make sense to me. But...what I do in life has never really made a lot of sense to me anyway :) A lot of times, God tells me to do things and I don't always know why, but I try to do them anyway, because...I know that He is good and that He loves me. In fact, that is precisely the reason I went on DTS. Most of the people there said that they were looking for a DTS and God pointed them to this one, but that wasn't the case for me. I was looking for God's heart and He threw this in my lap. Almost literally. Then, He told me to go. Very clearly. And so I went. Did I understand why? Nope...but I knew that is what He wanted and so it became what I wanted.
So...here is where I am now. I am on my way back to Boston. There are things, however, that I still need before I can leave. As a full-time missionary, I will need a lot of prayer support. I would love to have a core group of people that would commit to praying for me. And I would also love to keep in close contact with those people so they can know how to specifically pray for me. My desire is to stay as connected with people as possible. I do not want this to be a thing where I go off and do something and then come home and talk about it. I want people to be actively involved in what God is doing in Boston. But beyond prayer support, there is also financial support needed. As a missionary, I will need to raise about $1000 a month. Everyone in YWAM raises their own support, so this $1000 will go to pay for things like rent, bus passes for transportation since I do not own a car, food, taxes, mailing supplies, and other things that life requires such as shampoo and toothpaste :)
I would ask that you prayerfully consider both of these things, and ask God what, if anything, He would have you do.
If you would like to support me monthly, either by praying or financially, you can email me at kmartini88@yahoo.com with support written in the subject line, so I know who you are :) I would love to get in touch with you also and find out what is going on in your life.
Well...that is all for now. May God bless you as you go about your day, and may you feel His love in a way you never have before. Remember, He longs to be with and take care of you.
If you could just get to know me, you'd find that I'm different than at first expected. If you could just see my heart, you'd find that I'm someone worth getting to know. If you could just see me in those moments where I am absolutely ridiculous, you'd probably even find me funny. If you could just see who I really am, you'd like me. I know it. ...So I'm sure we've all thought these things at one point in our lives. So what is it that makes us feel this way? What compels us to think that if people spent time with us and truly got to know us, they would be the better for it? They would enjoy us... Is it our pride? Maybe...but somehow, I think there is something inside us all that draws others in. You see, people were created to enjoy each other. In fact, I am sure there are people in your life now that you need to get to know. And I am confident that there is a God out there just waiting for you to get to know Him. Part of me wonders if God feels the same way we do. Do you think He is ever saying to us "Hey, I'm a lot cooler than you think" or "Trust me, you need to know me" or "I can guarantee once you really get to know me, you won't ever want to live without me." ...I think He does say these things to us. And you know what? I think He is waiting for us to take that step.So do this for me today. Try to lay aside every preconcieved idea you have about God and other people, and really make an effort to get to know them...whatever it takes.
"...I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation..."(Paul)Philippians 4:12
Lately I have been finding that my contentment is so circumstantial. If I feel good, I'm content. If I know I'm loved, I'm content. If things are going my way, I'm content. But what about when things start to go downhill? What about when I don't feel good or when no one tells me they love me? And how about if no one is around for me to talk with? Can I be content then also? I have had the pleasure of finding lately that it is a lot harder than I had first imagined.
What was Paul's secret of contentment, and how can I achieve it? My only answer is to fall deeper in love with Jesus. The closer you get to God, the less you desire for things that are passing, and the more you long to be with Him...and when you are with Him, you cannot help but be content.
Jesus has a way of drawing people to Himself, and He is evident in all of creation. Stop for a minute and admire a flower, or gaze into the sunset. Or maybe you are near the ocean and can listen to the waves as they crash upon the shore. Wherever you are, Jesus can be found. Look for Him, and then...you will find contentment.
"...and be content with what you have, because God has said, 'Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.'" Hebrews 13:5
Sometimes I wonder what God is doing. Every step is like a new adventure with Him. Well He certainly has me on one now. As most of you know, I just returned to MD after a 7 month DTS with YWAM Boston. It's hard to explain the transformation that happened in the lives of everyone involved, but let's just say that none of us will ever be the same again. We saw God move in ways we never had before, and we heard His voice more clearly than ever. From beautiful rainbows, to healing, to protection, to divine appointments, to answered prayers for sunshine, to life transformations...we saw it all...and more.
Let me just preface by saying that I never expected to be where I am today. And anyone who saw me 5 years ago would probably agree. I was following Jesus and I loved Him, but the thought of telling strangers about Him terrified me. Not to mention, I was probably one of the shyest kids you could find. For the past 7 months, however, my life has revolved around Jesus and telling people on the streets about Him. All I can say is that God has done a lot in me in the past 5 years. :)
So here is part of where I am now. After finishing this DTS, I have been praying as to what God would have me do next, whether it be school, work, more missions etc... He has answered my prayer by telling me that He wants me to go on staff with YWAM Boston as a full-time missionary. I can only respond to this by saying "okay God, wherever you want me, that's where I'll go." So...my plan is to return to Boston in September to begin my new adventure with Him. I will say, however, that this decision was not made lightly. I spent many many hours in prayer, and even after He told me, I waited for more and more confirmation. I've never been one to make a big decision quickly, and I've always waited to make sure that it's what God wants and not just my own desire. As it turns out, He has told me in many ways that this is His desire for me now.
So that's where I am headed. I was never able to see it before, but God has given me a heart for Boston and for those that don't yet know Him. I wish I could explain the depths of my heart to people and just how much I have been waiting for this opportunity. I have journal entries from years ago about God speaking to me to go to the nations and share His love with people. I remember crying as I wrote them, because God was speaking clearly and I wanted so badly to do exactly that. So you can only imagine what it is like for me to finally be able to fulfill the things God has been speaking to me since I was young.
I know this has been quite long, so I will end it here for now :) I would love to have your prayer support as I step into this newest chapter of my life. May God bless you amazingly and may you see and feel His deepest love for you today...whoever you may be...
